The Practicalities of Being

doormat no more

One of the things I hear often on the topic of conscious awareness is, “but I don’t want to be a doormat”. Variations on that – doormat, pushover, boring, poor, alone, tortured, ridiculed etc. All perfectly valid concerns, for anyone who is considering abandoning the false reality of the world as we have been taught it. I can’t emphasise enough, that we are first and foremost human. We still make decisions, we still get to call some shots – Afterall, why else would we have free will? The miracle is all in the motivation and execution.

To give an example, the door mat issue. You’re allowed to “be” and say No. That’s completely OK and even necessary. As Marianne Williamson says; “I can say Yes to your soul, and No to your Bulls**t”. Maybe she didn’t say “s**t”. That might have been me. However….that is the key to this. The primary reason I say “No” to anyone, is because what they want, plan or demand is going to be in someway damaging to them or me. First and foremost, if I am working with a person in a self-destructive cycle, we need to stop that cycle, not enable it. Saying “no” from a place of love and acceptance, is the most effective way to do that. For some people, it’s the first time anyone has actually said no to them.

Secondly, I’m aware of my own “scope”. If what you need is not within my scope, I’ll be clear about that. It’s a form of No. I also plan vacations, down time, and rest periods, which means saying “no” to people. It’s very important that every person knows and maintains their own boundaries, in a loving way.

Now that I live in alignment, I find I rarely have to say No to anyone. Or if I do, it’s a very minor issue. I only attract those for whom I have a message, or energy, that is needed, and we work together harmoniously. It would be naïve of me to expect this all of the time, because this is Earth and we are Human, but I have to say, that my need for boundaries has dissipated with my own acceptance of “being”. Tell that Ego voice to calm down, this fear is an ego-based objection. Valid, but no longer necessary.

We still have to pay bills too. We have houses to clean, cars to service, families to enjoy etc. All of these things are our priorities and can be brought into alignment with our state. In fact, they will naturally do so. The first step every morning, is a mediation or mindful acknowledgement of the day. Silence. No phones, electronic devices etc. Silence. 5 minutes is all it needs to take. For me, the daily prayer; “where would you have me go? what would you have me say? to whom?” Simple.

On great days – I am not in a rush and can turn that 5 minutes into a longer meditation, which I consider to be, a reconnection with myself. It’s going home, literally, to my centre, and reminding myself that I am 10% human, 90% spirit, and choosing accordingly.

Without that morning discipline, the days can go awry. Easily. Badly. Loving acceptance becomes frustration and annoyance easily. We are not our best selves in that scenario. This is a conscious choice in each and every moment of every day, and the 5 minutes that open the day, can determine how easy it is for us to choose a loving response. Discipline, process, tools. All valid in a human world.

So, I understand the fear of “letting go”. Surrender – is also a scary word. Particularly for those of us who like control and want to know outcomes and timing and every detail in triplicate right now. I get it. But trust me, from the other side of this, it’s not about losing control, it’s about gaining flow. And that is a priceless thing to achieve in this life time.

I was always considered a highly functioning adult. I adulted very well. Bills were paid, houses were bought, jobs were managed. Tick, Tick, Tick. Was I as successful then as I am now? Nope. Not even close. Would I change it back? Not in a million years. The peace over here, and the flow, the alignment, the joy……..makes me a far more effective human being that I could even hope to be back when I doing everything right. Now it’s just more……right…er. I’ve even stopped being a grammar nazi.

The other issue is often your work, or your job. Many people seek the perfect role or opportunity from which to serve. Here’s the thing, every job is the perfect job for this purpose. Every person you meet during your working day, is your opportunity to help and serve. For me, when I teach, it’s a little more tangible to see that connection.

Marianne Williamson used to own a book store, she realised one day that it’s not actually a bookstore – it was a place of conscious awareness, connection and prayer. That’s why her customers kept coming back week after week. Because they recognised the store, as a place of healing. Marianne has provided another great example of this realisation in her book, A Return to Love. She mentioned going to work at a bar as a cocktail waitress one evening, and as she was walking into the room she suddenly thought – “Oh I see, they think this place is a bar!”. To her, it was simply another place of service, a church or community center in a different format.

The point here, is that every job is the perfect job if your objective is service. It may not be forever, you can still want to change jobs, build a career, retrain – all perfectly valid plans….but don’t miss the opportunity that is right in front of you, right now.

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