Love. Surrender. Be. Step 2 - surrender
Surrender, in my experience, often follows the “rock bottom”….the “knees to the ground” I’m all in, I’m done, type point in life. Pretty much everyone I know, has had one of those. Sometimes, more than one. The trauma can be big or small, depending upon how resistant we are to the whole thing. For some – an illness is enough. It’s scary enough to rethink everything, and revaluate life, and make changes. Illness, accident, loss of job, divorce, separation, death of a loved one….all the “big ones” in life. For others – it will take two or three of these events to “get through” to them, because the fear, and conditioning is so strong. I know a couple of people who had to declare Bankruptcy THREE times, before they “got it”. Know anyone who is onto their 3rd, 4th, 5th marriage, with no pause for self reflection?
For me, I pretty much brought mine on myself, and it involved sending myself to Chile for a year. I knew no one there, didn’t speak the language and looked like a gigantic peacock freak amongst the locals. I had nothing there. My name meant nothing, I couldn’t practice there, so I was no longer a “lawyer”. Most importantly, I had no language. As a person who loves words, reading, conversation etc – the loss of language was probably the hardest. I was both highly visible, and yet completely invisible. That was a tough year. I decided, after a few Tantrums, and an Eckhart Tolle retreat, to simply surrender, and go with the flow. A big part of that though, was a commitment to daily meditation. I went a step further, and started a meditation class/group – to further embed that practice and learning. I finally “got” a lot of what had continued to evade me in the previous 44 years of my life. I “got” the “oneness” thing. Stopped eating meat immediately. I got the “LOVE” thing. I dug out my 20 year old copy of ACIM and actually read it. To have a year to do that – I recognise is a luxury – and it was not wasted. Not one day of it.
Carolyn Myss has said, that she does not know of anyone who is truly on a spiritual path, that has not endured a lot of time alone. Isolation seems to be necessary for the souls’ growth in this area. We shed the old, and embrace the new, and in the process, fall in love with ourselves.
Upon my return to my “real life” – I was no longer “me”. There is Pre Chile Amanda, and Post Chile Amanda, and they are VERY different people. The pull to go back to the old “fear based” ways, was strong though. It took a lot to say no to. I said no to permanent employment, as I knew that having a “real job” was no longer in my being. The fear around money, security etc was huge. The outcome – I earned more than I ever have before, and had more freedom, creativity and joy than I ever had before. That’s purely down to the “surrender”, following my intuition, and being true to myself. I said no to “special relationships” – the result was an influx of love like I have never experienced before. On every level and every plane. Saying “no”, in a lot of cases, was actually the key.
Surrender is hard for people. We think it means lack – lack of control, lack of security, lack of autonomy etc. When the exact opposite is true. Living in a fully surrendered way, means accepting that love is all there is, and that we have all the love we need at any given time. Surrender means never knowing lack again. Never knowing fear again. Never being in doubt about a path, or the “right” thing to do. It’s flow. It’s synchronicity. It’s Peace. It’s joy. It’s life at it’s most beautiful.